Gnome Sweet Gnome

Heavens to Murgatroyd, where to begin.

10. My back gnome is back. Pregnancy has let the little devil into the house. He follows me around jabbing a screwdriver in my sciatica. Usually when I'm standing still longer than 30 seconds, or walking through a store. I need gnome spray.

9. This stopped me in my tracks today:

http://bloomacious.org/2009/05/food-lemon-bar-lovers-delight/#more-61

I'm frozen. I feel the compulsion to put aside everything else until I've made this. I won't. But I feel it.

I'm telling you. Bloomacious is the new...whatever you love. I mean - lemon meringue cake? Deep breaths. In. Out.

8. Feeling stressed? Crazy, whacked-out insane? Go to pandora.com and make a Vince Guaraldi playlist. It's doing for my soul what conditioner does for frazzled hair.

7. Why am I posting now, as opposed to, say, days ago? I'm posting now because I'm procrastinating, THAT's why. I've taken on a couple freelance gigs, one of which is the size of an ancient Egyptian pyramid. Good part: something to do during this...sabbatical...of unemployment. Bad part: what? unemployment office wants to know when I do this kind of thing so they can deduct my earnings from my unemployment check? What the...Anyway. What's the project? It's an enormous amount of material that has to be gone over with a fine-toothed comb for any copyright-relevant references in it. Ever read something that quotes a hymn? Okay. Well, ever read something and wonder, "I wonder if they have permission to quote that copyrighted text and composition?" Aaaaand there you have it.

6. I did nothing for Halloween this year and it was both poignant and great. I'm too bulging to dress up. Give me yoga pants and a giant sweatshirt. And a heating pad for my back. We'll have lots of fun in the future dressing up Jack as things before he can voice an opinion, then taking photos that Will, Ironically, Haunt Him.

5. There's a fort in my living room right now. Don't ask.

4. OH: documentaries. If you want to laugh out loud and see something really unique, watch "Young@Heart." FANTASTIC. Netflix has it; I'm sure Blockbuster online does, too. Ever wish you could see a bunch of senior citizens singing Coldplay? Today, that wish has come true. They have a blast. It's so bittersweet and true to life. And their "I Feel Good" rendition is just...well, the whole thing leaves me speechless.

3. For some reason, I really love the Curious George movie. I know, this is like three years after it came out. But be that as it may, I love it. Speaking of a movie, did you know babies can sense some light through your pregnant belly at a certain stage, and will sometimes move towards the light source? I knew I was aiming my belly at things for a reason. You and I both know that all babies have a periscope they sneak out of your belly button to get a peek at the world.

2. What's that? You want to know if I'm going to have an essay appearing in an upcoming book? How strange you should ask. What a coincidence. I hardly know what to say.

Okay. We all know that last part is never - ever - true.

But yes, I will have an essay in a book on Sherlock Holmes and philosophy - due out late spring, early summer 2010. My essay will be on death. I'll give you more details when I got 'em. I'm super excited about the opportunity.

And, 1. My friend Melissa and I have due dates a week apart, and recently I was blessed with the chance to see her.

Because when she's not here, I'm forced to do this: