Luckily, my fingers aren't broken.
Because an unspeakable tragedy just befell me.
I lost my voice.
Folks, I am a consummate talker (and apparently, pun-weaver). And I have never, ever lost my voice, or even misplaced it. I've had strep throat, bronchitis, and all kinds of allergy dilemmas - and while my throat has hurt, or scratched, or felt like a million tiny razors were lodged in it - I have never lost my voice.
And it happened in the space of about 30 minutes. I was sitting at work, minding my own business, listening to the thunder outside, watching the wind whip the rain, and soaking in Gregorian chants I was streaming from Pandora radio. Earlier, I spoke. I laughed.
(I laughed really hard at this.)
And then my editor walked in, and started telling me a story about the time all his favorite CDs were stolen, and I tried to respond. And my mouth opened, and air came out, and I started to form words - but no sound. I opened my mouth again, rather guppy-like, and nothing. It was like being Ariel in "The Little Mermaid," or Carlotta in "Phantom of the Opera," or Zechariah in the Gospel of Luke, chapter one.
I was wild-eyed with bewilderment. My throat didn't hurt today, I didn't feel sick, just typical seasonal allergies a bit. Nothing out of the ordinary, and no gradual disappearance of vocal tonality.
Nope. Hear one minute, gone the next.
Since I was listening to Gregorian chants and a thunderstorm, I kind of wondered if a mischievous old monk-ghost came up behind me and stole my voice when I wasn't looking, just to be mean because he'd taken a vow of silence years ago, and he knew that silence isn't my strong point.
HA, Gregorian monk-ghost: I can still type. I still have my deft, rapid fingers.
But if I'm going to be voiceless, it may as well be in preparation for Lent. HA again, Gregorian monk-ghost: I don't mind your poltergeist pranks.
I'm reduced to not talking, or if I can take a little pain, whispering, or just thinking and typing. I know, I know, it feels like one step removed from the man who could only communicate with his left eye in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
Don't worry. I don't have to blink my letters into publication.
Don't get any ideas, Gregorian monk-ghost.