Red Skelton's Recipe for the Perfect Marriage RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Her's is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere.... but s he kee ps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake" 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran afte r the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!" Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it......... this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word....... just clean and simple fun!!
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